You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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