I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
