he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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