I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
