If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize