He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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