Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
