That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
