So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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