Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
