i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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