i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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