did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize