I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
