Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.