Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
