well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
