the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
