Is it because I queefed?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
