I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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