First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
