My liver just broke up with me...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
