Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
