Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
