dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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