I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
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Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
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I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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