Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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