There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
