Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you would pick up someone in the library
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
