the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Shame - the story of my life.
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