I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
