I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
