I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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