i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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