I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
