I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
