drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
