All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
pray to the hookup gods
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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