$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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