my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
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Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
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In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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