obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
