did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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