umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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