Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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