Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
