Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
