Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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