Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
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oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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