um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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