wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
