with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
