Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
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She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance