Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting