You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.