he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
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Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
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Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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