Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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