I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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