You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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