I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
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It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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