Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Barsexuality is the new black.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
