It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
