i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
