that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
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Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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