Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
