Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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