he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
