go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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