I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
